I am frustrated

I am getting sick of looking for an internship. Why it is so difficult to get to an art organisation? I am ready to commute to London, work 5 days a week for free and people still don't answer. Or want me to be an invigilator... that is what I do for money, actually, not to bad money....

Sometimes I really think to go back home. But logically thinking there would be probably even worse. Here at least I earn a living watching people and paintings, there... nobody knows if I get a job at all.

Just, sometimes, I really would like to be born native English speaker everything would be so easy than - getting an interesting job, socializing with people without feeling like a puppy,a mascot, a foreigner from a strange country... "Oh, don't worry about your English it is so cute. We will not correct you - we like your English as it is". But I do not like it. It create an invisible ceiling anytime I try to do something normal. Get a normal job for example. And I am not even black to be qualified into internships for the black ethnic minority. Like that one at the Tate last year. And I feel so stupid while trying to express myself, no mention about decent conversation about art. And again I am not even an artist to stand me in good stead.

What em I doing here? All my knowledge, all my skills are based on communication skills - even marketing is. And I CANNOT simply learn that language. I am unable to participate in any language course because as a linguist I have always to many strange questions and also (being honest) so many times I enrolled one and did not attend that Somebody protests any time I even mention about a new one, and he is totally right. The best solution would be if everybody I speak to correct me but English people are TOO NICE (too political correct?) to do it.

This way I am going to live in a country without knowing its language and being totally frustrated because doing a job which does not satisfy me. Heh...